Don’t Judge, Just Read 3: TEST PLOT

Disclaimer: Ito po ay kathang – isip lamang. Please lang, wag na i-push na hugot ito. Makibasa ka nalang.

rainy-night-in-new-york-05 

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“You’re the best I’ve ever had.”
Sinasabi ko ito habang pinipigilan ko ang pagpatak ng luha sa aking mga mata habang  dinadama ko ang huling yakap ko sa iyo. Pinapakiramdaman ko din ang pulso ng iyong katawan na nagngingitngit sa galit at pagkagulat, bawat pintig wari’y nanunumbat.
Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang maari kong sabihin upang tingnan mo lamang ang aking mga matang nagungusap at gustong – gustong sabihin sa iyo na mahal ka. Bakit dito tayo dinala ng pagkakataon? Bakit ganito tayo magtatapos?
Unti-unting pumatak ang tubig galing sa madilim na kalangitan. Bawat patak kasing lamig ng tinig mo na nanginginig dahil sa pagpigil sa pagtulo ng mga luha mong  pilit na nangingilid. Hanggang sa tuluyan ng bumuhos ang malakas na ulan nang pilit kang kumawala sa mahigpit kong yakap na ayaw kang bitiwan. Wala akong magawa kundi tingnan ka habang naglalakad palayo. Hindi ka na lumingon. Alam kong hindi ka na magbabalik.
Sinimulan ko na din humakbang palayo nang hindi ko na makita kahit na ang anino mo. Bawat hakbang sobrang bigat, sobrang hirap na halos ayaw umangat. Pakiramdam ko parang pudpod ng hiwa ang aking mga paa ngunit kailangan ko itong ilakad sa kalsadang puno ng asin. Tiniis ko naman hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na din. Hindi ako nagreklamo, hindi ako pumalag. Alam kong kailangan itong mangyari at kailangan kong malampasan. Iyon na ata ang pinakamahaba at pinakanakapanginginig na gabi na naranasan ko sa buhay ko – ang gabing iniwan mo ako.

To the one who’s been left out

Dear Girlfriend,

There will always be someone better than you: more beautiful, more talented, more diligent, more popular, more amiable, more acceptable, more pleasant, more intelligent, more witty, funnier, sexier, hotter, and way more and beyond. But this isn’t enough reason to make you miserable. Remember that in other people’s judgement, you are the standard, if not the best, the ideal. You don’t have to dwell into making yourself feel important and loved by someone who sees another person the way you want to be seen. You’ve got your own style, personality, and characteristic that only you can pull off. Nobody can ever be like you and you can never be somebody else.

It hurts when you are trying to maintain the interest of your boyfriend but he keeps on looking for other things about you that are evident in other girls. He’s trying to make you someone else that he likes to be with. Be it your hairstyle, the color of your nails, your fashion sense, your perfume, your manner of speaking and reacting, and even your choices. He is trying to make you the complete version of his fantasies and requirements of a girlfriend. This is shitty. How dare you if you submit to this kind of relationship. You are not a doll, girlfriend.

Has he not managed to look proud and speak proud of you in front of other people especially his friends? Has he not tried to invite you over with his close buddies while the others bring their partners automatically, like they are part of their own bodies? Has he brought you once and the other guys seem not to have heard you even once and the other girls react like, “hey, where have you been all this time?” after they’ve known that you and your good boyfriend has been together for a couple of years already or more? Start thinking, especially when he seemed more into another girl in the group than you are. This is not jealousy, this is just but a logical way of managing your emotions and thinking straight ahead. Don’t be too nice not too submissive, this is not a passport to forever.

Has he not shown any interest in introducing you to his parents and other family members? Do you feel like you’re the only one who’s trying to work on a brilliant way to meet them and he looks annoyed if you’re starting to mention something like going out with his folks or at least joining them some time? Do not push yourself too much to the point of losing your value as a person. You are not a beggar, so you should keep your importance and should not go beyond what is being given to you. You are special and if your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about these ideas, do not even insist.

If you are that important and loved, your boyfriend wouldn’t even think twice of doing everything for you and showing how you are wanted in his life. He might be very excited to be with you and go through an adventurous journey with you, but he might not be completely ready to let you into his world. In this case, think about your situation and the other opportunities that await. Do not spend your time waiting for the better treatment because it won’t come considering that you are not his priority and he’s not looking forward to his better life with you. Move forward, stronger and wiser. You gain more than you lose.