Dignified “X”: Day 1

Nothing is permanent. People come and go, so there’s no way you could hold on to anybody in this life. The saddest part is letting go of that person you’ve built your world around and you can’t find enough reasons to make that person stay eventhough you’ve given your best. Another sad part is that you’d need to compose yourself the soonest. You must not breakdown and not let other people know how devastated you are because you don’t want them to pity you or judge you, or catcall you. There are alot of thinking to do during this time and these are what I think one must do to remain dignified right after break – up.

 

  1. Be silent. You don’t have to let everybody know what you’re going through. Maintain your self – worth and self – respect by struggling to remain dignified at all cost. This is easier said than done, but with focus you can do it. While being silent, try to digest the last conversation or actuation you’ve had with each other. Do not force yourself to thinking about what have gone wrong but let the situation get down to your system.
  2. Pray. Talk to God first rather than your friends. Thank Him for the challenge and ask Him to bless you with courage so you can get through the very hurtful situation.
  3. Endure the pain. Give time to your self. Let your heart break. Let your tears fall when you are alone, but make sure that you hold your head up high once you step out of the room. Everytime you feel the pain, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you can move on. Offer a little prayer to God asking him to take away the pain and make you stronger by the day.
  4. Learn to Unlearn. There are memories that are hard to forget. Songs, thoughts, food, places that you have shared with the other person that you can not avoid. But help yourself to unlearn the feeling that comes with those memories. Remember that you’ve been in those places, heard the same songs, tasted the same food, seen the same sights, even before you allowed that other person to share these things with you.
  5. Move forward.Yes it is hard, but you have to. Do not think negatively about the other person no matter how hurt you are. Remember that you may gauge if your love is/was true during this time. If you have truly loved, then you would not do or say anything that could destroy or stain the image of that person, instead, you’d keep silent and understand the situation, then slowly move on with dignity. Note that you don’t have to pretend nice or tell a lie to protect the other person, but to remain strong and wise at the same time.

Each person has his own way of dealing with this painful stage in life, but there will always be more than one reason to move forward and leave the past behind in exchange for a better, brighter, more colorful and meaningful life.

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Too Emotional

It gets confusing sometimes when certain people get too concerned about you and your life then suddenly bend their statements and appear like they’re all just dealing about business, moreover emphasizes that you need to shape up and be professional. It wrecks the stability of someone who doesn’t want to enjoin in a certain “emotional support group” and being forced to it just so it could pave way for better interaction and understanding, but when things start to shake the ones who forced you to express your emotions will mock you for your reactions. I can’t even get into the bottom of my issues and here they are trying to make me feel supported and understood but recalls the faults I’ve made and all the help they gave. After they were able to get through my weakness and made me believe I could trust them, they humiliate me in front of others. Is this how you care and show your concern? Humiliate? I am no great person, I may not contribute significantly, but I deserve to keep my dignity.

Thanks for the experience and learning, but as much as I am paid well, I am not owned and I have not sold my self and my soul. I ain’t gonna give up, I’ll keep pushing, and I’ll be triumphant.

Just read, don’t judge 1

Kung saan ako magsisimula, hindi ko alam. Kung paano, hindi ko rin sigurado, pero ang alam ko lang ngayon, mahirap ang pinagdadaanan ko.

Umalis ka para magtrabaho sa ibang bansa at kailangan kong tanggapin at intindihin iyon. Pilit kong iniintindi. Ang gusto ko lang, maging matagumpay ka, at masaya dahil matutupad mo ang pangarap mo para sa sarili mo at sa pamilya mo. Tatanggapin ko ang pagsubok na ito. Ngunit sa tatlong araw mong paglayo, parang hindi ko kayang panindigan ang desisyon sa pakikiisa sa pagsasakripisyo mo sapagkat ang hirap maghintay. Ayokong maghintay ng walang kasiguraduhan-ito ang gusto kong sabihin sa’yo pero hindi ko kayang sabihin noong nalaman ko na tuloy na ang iyong paglisan. Pilit kong tinatapangan ang sarili ko. Sa bawat araw na gigising ako, sa bawat gabi na matutulog ako, ikaw ang laman ng isip ko – kung babalik ka ba, kailan? Kung babalikan mo pa ba ako o titigilan ko na ang pag -asang mapapanatili mo ba ang pagmamahal mo sa akin. Baka nga sa huli nalang. Simulan ko na nga kayang pag-aralan na isantabi ang aking nararamdamang pagmamahal sa iyo. Takot ako noon na maramadaman ang pagmamahal mo dahil sa pagdating ng araw na ito o ano mang araw na tulad nito na kailangan mong lumayo o mawala sa piling ko. Pero ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko, ito na ang tunay na nangyayari ngayon.

Magkaiba halos ang oras natin. Madilim na dito, habang kalagitnaan naman ng sikat ng araw diyan. Sana hindi naman maging katulad ng oras diyan ang nararamdaman natin sa isa’t isa. Sa munting paraan ng teknolohiya ako umaasa ngayon, para marinig ang boses mo, makausap ka, maramdaman ka, at makumusta. Simpleng bagay lang, makatanggap lang ako ng sagot mula sa iyo sa bawat araw, ayos na ako. Pero ang hiling ko kaakibat ng bawat sagot mo ay ang damdamin na sana ay may galak at pananabik na makausapdin ako. Sa pagkawala ng damdamin, unti – unti din akong nawawalan ng pag asa na isang araw, babalik ka at mayayakap kitang muli. Sa pakiramdam ko ngayon, sa talong araw na tayo’y magkalayo, mauubos na agad ang araw na ibinangko ko upang lumakas ang aking loob. Mauubos agad kapag nagpatuloy ang ganito. Huwag mong hayaan, ako’y nakikiusap. Ako naman din ay umaasa lang sa iyo.

Food

Food is an important part of Filipino culture, so much so that it is customary to greet someone with “have you eaten yet?” instead of “how are you?” Eating and eating out are favorite Filipino pastimes. A typical Filipino diet may consist of up to six meals a day: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda (afternoon snack), dinner, and snacks before bed. And central to every Filipino gathering is a bountiful selection of food. Food becomes an expression of hospitality and friendship — so the more food available, the more “love” is expressed.

Welcome

I have friends and friends of friends who are under attack. They are currently battling with the most dangerous foe called “self.” I am pretty sure I have been in the same situation before, and in as much as I would want to, I would like to kill the “self” so I can just live happily without worrying, fearing, or extremely becoming apathetic. It is just so unfortunate that this desire to end the struggle between reality and inner reality isn’t materializing anytime soon. There are a lot of other annoying dominoes that does not only inflict fall but also magically, in a very surprising manner multiplies irritability. This is why instead of conquering the weird feeling of being directionless, the more everything becomes complicated.

Depression is not an issue for now but in the long run, it might be. I can only pass through this road once, I can turn back but I’d lose more. I can not cross the same river twice and so I’m taking my time to feel every step and create the clear picture of what I am journeying through so that when I wake up tomorrow, I can lead myself to the sweet victory of conquering the “self” and its unknown allies.