Don’t Judge, Just Read 3: TEST PLOT

Disclaimer: Ito po ay kathang – isip lamang. Please lang, wag na i-push na hugot ito. Makibasa ka nalang.

rainy-night-in-new-york-05 

1

“You’re the best I’ve ever had.”
Sinasabi ko ito habang pinipigilan ko ang pagpatak ng luha sa aking mga mata habang  dinadama ko ang huling yakap ko sa iyo. Pinapakiramdaman ko din ang pulso ng iyong katawan na nagngingitngit sa galit at pagkagulat, bawat pintig wari’y nanunumbat.
Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang maari kong sabihin upang tingnan mo lamang ang aking mga matang nagungusap at gustong – gustong sabihin sa iyo na mahal ka. Bakit dito tayo dinala ng pagkakataon? Bakit ganito tayo magtatapos?
Unti-unting pumatak ang tubig galing sa madilim na kalangitan. Bawat patak kasing lamig ng tinig mo na nanginginig dahil sa pagpigil sa pagtulo ng mga luha mong  pilit na nangingilid. Hanggang sa tuluyan ng bumuhos ang malakas na ulan nang pilit kang kumawala sa mahigpit kong yakap na ayaw kang bitiwan. Wala akong magawa kundi tingnan ka habang naglalakad palayo. Hindi ka na lumingon. Alam kong hindi ka na magbabalik.
Sinimulan ko na din humakbang palayo nang hindi ko na makita kahit na ang anino mo. Bawat hakbang sobrang bigat, sobrang hirap na halos ayaw umangat. Pakiramdam ko parang pudpod ng hiwa ang aking mga paa ngunit kailangan ko itong ilakad sa kalsadang puno ng asin. Tiniis ko naman hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na din. Hindi ako nagreklamo, hindi ako pumalag. Alam kong kailangan itong mangyari at kailangan kong malampasan. Iyon na ata ang pinakamahaba at pinakanakapanginginig na gabi na naranasan ko sa buhay ko – ang gabing iniwan mo ako.
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For Whatever It’s Worth

For whatever it’s worth, I’d like to let you know how much you mean to me. IT has been a beautiful journey with you, no matter how short it was. I am truly grateful for having you in my life and I know I’d never find another one exactly as you. You are so special. I have never met a man so complete as you. I wanted to be with you to love you and take care of you for the rest of my life, but it wasn’t for us. All I can give you are my intangible treasures while you can actually have whatever it is that you desire. I felt that you didn’t need me, nor did you want to let me stay in your life. Nevertheless, I have given you the best that I can and all that I can offer. I may not be rich to provide you material happiness, but I feel that I have given you more of myself and that of my family. I have shared with you the mystery of my being -that deepest part of myself that no one has gone to, but then again, I felt that it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t what you need.

So I am writing this now, to let go of my hopes and my fears. We might be better off without each other. I pray for your happiness and your success in everything you do. I’d be working on myself too. Thank you for making me realise how important is self – worth and how the material things compensate for the missing areas of someone’s real achievement and triumph in life. I am most grateful for  having experienced the best relationship feeling and the greatest heartbreak that someone can cause me. Amidst this, remember that I have loved you ever since and I will continue doing so until my heart beats.