Gosh it feels so good!!! I have been caressing these letters for over a month but I haven’t pressed on it. It is just like looking at a mouth watering dish which I can’t even taste.
For the longest time I wanted to write something. No, I wanted to write everything that pops out of my brain. I have a lot to share about school, work, friends (new and old), life (it’s new meaning and how I want to attack it now), some curios- stricken events and moments that just happened and in no particular reason came sucking all my time. Yes, I am lazy that’s why I wasn’t able to write. Good news is… Here. I. am. and. I. am. back. alive!
Let me start with the joy of being withdrawn from the happy company of my friends, close and not so. I don’t know exactly when this feeling began, but I suddenly felt happier being “alone.” That means I feel happier when I’m not in contact with anybody most of the time. Sorry not sorry. At a certain point in my life, I felt that I needed to attend to myself and make myself happier, not by making others happy because of my presence (ehem… if I’m not being boastful here) but by making myself happy by simply being me and doing what I want to do. Not that I’m saying that I’m not being myself when with my friends, but it is more of not being cautious of others’ happiness which most likely sacrifices my own.
I grew older, that’s the other thing. I wanted something different. I wanted to do things differently. I started to think of my responsibilities and obligations, making me wonder how in the world was I able to live almost 30 years of my life not taking seriously whatever come my way. Don’t get me wrong. What I mean is that, there were things in the past that I actually do without even trying to anticipate the effect, if this is what they say, “Come what may” and “Easy go lucky”, then I must agree.
I am a happy person but being happy doesn’t mean that I am free of problems and struggles in life. All the while I was projecting that “cheerful” kid, and I’m tired of that. I wanted to be a wise and elegant lady with the street smart quality of a bitch. i just don’t want to become a cheerful person. I want to be bolder and be kinder to myself rather than considering others first. I have lost time to myself and I’ll be retrieving it. I will not let other people’s comments and issues trouble me, instead I’d filter what is more important and that is loving myself first before others. That is what I want and I’ll fulfill it. This is going to be who I am.